February 6, 2010
Today, I had the worst type of phone call. The kind that makes you sigh in utter frustration. The kind that makes you disappointed you could cry. It makes you think, ‘I shouldn’t have planned so much’, ‘I shouldn’t have cared so much’. I shouldn’t ever have tried.
Today I found out that the job I had fallen in love with was given to someone else. The job that would have been the perfect step towards a career change, that would have paid my rent and my food and still leave enough to have a nice holiday every now and again was not mine after all. Of course, the job was never mine, except in my imagination.
In my imagination having this job would be the answer to everything.
On sunny mornings I would walk to work, say hello to everyone I met along the way, drinking my greens and rice milk shake. When I got there I’d be early, invigorated and ready for the day. Sometimes, after work I’d meet my friend downtown for a glass of wine in the sun and we’d have a bite to eat. After a few months I might make my Mark, writing good reports and catching the eye of the CEO as a good candidate for promotion. Then they’d give me more responsibility and maybe more money and there, there I would be exactly where I want to be. Peaceful at last.
It was bliss. Sheer, imaginary bliss.
And now it’s all over.
Now there are no more sunny morning walks through Strathcona. No more lunchtime navigating the Pacific Centre to the food court for salad rolls. No more quiet evenings, tired and replete with a full day’s work behind me, and the promise of a well deserved sleep.
All that promise has disappeared… What am I supposed to do now?*
*Answers on a postcard please